Q: “I didnt realize I was submissive until I was introduced by my current Master. I enjoy my role, but I dont recieve that much attention and there is very little communication since we both have busy schedules. Im debating on asking for my release Any advice”
The first question and it comes at a most coincidental time, as I’ve had my own thoughts about transfer of power recently.
First, I was also totally unaware of my submissive nature until my Master showed me this side. But once I accepted this about myself the feelings overwhelmed me. In only a few short months I found that this was something I’d needed for most of my life; I found a new kind of sanity and confidence from accepting and enjoying this part of myself. I hold firmly to the knowledge that my Master and I will never be apart, regardless of the nature of our relationship, but I also know if we ever stop being lovers I will have to find this kind of dynamic in any other love I seek.
I, like so many subs out there, don’t just enjoy being submissive. It’s deeply rooted in who I am. I need this; crave it. You see it time and time again in the blogs of other submissives – that when their Master is unable to keep them in line, dominate them the way they need they begin to get anxious or even panicky. They rebel or lash out or even throw tantrums and I do the same. There is some sort of mania that seeps into me the longer I have to maintain myself; I count on my Master to keep my brain calm and quiet and when he can’t I begin to panic.
As our vanilla lives have consumed more and more of our time Master has been overworked, overbooked and just plain overwhelmed by his life. I’ve tried to support him in every way possible, and I’ve been as patient as I am able, hoping that he’ll be able to, and interested in, putting me through my paces sometime soon. But I’ve also had doubts – wondering if he’s lost interest in managing me. Or if the work involved with being my Dom (and it is work, subs – never forget that. We have BY FAR the easier part of this gig! If you haven’t thanked your Dom for taking so much time and energy with you lately go and kiss his feet right now! The rest of us will wait…) is still worth it to him. My confidence fades and the ensuing fear sends me thinking about how else I could find the control I need.
I must be very clear here: I love my Master as much more than just my Dom. He’s my partner and my lover and my very best friend and I adore him forever and to the end of the world. I have absolutely no interest in leaving him ever, even if he were to tell me tomorrow that he’s grown tired of the dynamic and wishes an only vanilla life with me.
But I also know that this need he’s found in me will never go away. And so what would I do? How would I stay with him, but also stay sane? I’ve wondered about asking him to release me as his sub so I could find another to dominate me, either now while his life is so busy or ongoing if he’s done with our kink. Someone just to remind me of my place on the floor while I keep my beloved place at my Master’s side. No actual love for this new Dom – only obedience. Could I do this with anyone other than my Master? My submission is so linked to him, I wonder if this would even be possible?
I don’t know that I can give you advice on this question, as you can see I’m just as lost as you, but I know the questions that I’d have to ask in your position: What is the priority for you – your relationship with the man you currently call “Master” or your newly found submissive life? If you wish to keep your relationship with your current Master could you do that while letting someone else dominate you? Could your Master? And though you’re unsatisfied with the current amount of interaction you two get to have, are you willing to go without any Master at all once your current Master lets you go? Because finding the right Dom is as difficult as finding any kind of partner – there’s no guarantee that you’d walk out into the kink world tomorrow and find your Mr. Right (Dom-wise) waiting for you.
I think if you asked yourself these questions and answered yourself honestly you’d at least have the beginnings of an answer to your original question. Certainly there are many people out there who have sub/Dom lives without romantic love. They find people who are not interested in love, only kink or control, and they find a way to combine these sides of their life. My mind boggles at the idea, but if you and your current Master were t honestly look at what you have, versus what you really want, your next step would probably be clear. Good luck!
Does anyone else out there have any answers for this first question? Please fill up the comments!
I think she needs to have a long talk with her Master. She needs to let him know what she wants from the relationship and ask him what he wants from it and try to find a way to mesh the two. Communication is always good. Make time for it and find out if you two can get on the same wave length.
ReplyDeleteFD
No answers here. I am in the same boat. Well, except when things got to be too much because I was feeling neglected, and unwanted and spent months waiting to be used and cared for I DID ask to be let out of my contract. I returned my collar(s).
ReplyDeleteToday, SirDom and I are friends and still lovers. The D/s dynamic did not go away. So for now, I happily take what I can get and I am always there when he needs. The difference is I don't get so disappointed or sad when he doesn't follow through or we don't see each other for long periods because I have no expectation. Without the contract--the expectation--I don't feel so disappointed. I also know I have the option of dating others--vanilla or not. This helps tremendously.
Like you, I need the strength of the power exchange all the time, not just for sex or some D/s session. One day I hope to find that.
I definitely would like to find someone who has more time for me and that really needs the power exchange and who cherishes me. Realistically, I cannot give myself casually to another. I don't play at this. It took me a while to open myself and give fully and be completely vulnerable to SirDom. I don't want to go through that again unless I've got a strong committed relationship.
This was an excellent question as was your response.
Excellent question indeed. I was in three different D/s relationships over time and it would be fair to say that the three of them ended for a same reason: my feeling of being neglected in terms of a serious and committed D/s relationship beyond kinky sex.
ReplyDeleteOf course, it prompted me to think really hard about all of this. I was forced to acknowledge that the strong connexion that male Doms often see between D/s and sex is connected to the issue. As in any vanilla relationships, mutual attraction and discovery make for a very hot honey moon, but over time, sexual drive tends to decrease, not that it is wanted from both partners, but it happens, and keeping it together in any love relationship is hard enough...
In a D/s relationship connected to sexual drive, I think there is a risk that any decrease in eros leads to a weaker, less intense and less motivated power exchange.
Now, I also agree with hedone, there is also the matter of expectations for the girls that are collared and have signed a contract. I remember my last contract that stated our mutual obligations, mine mostly pertaining to service and physical appearance. In an ideal worl, I could have carried on for months without any feedback/retroaction, but the buttom line is that I got very frustrated to clean everything, do the dishes, the grocery, watch someone's else favourite TV shows and dress sexy everyday when none of that lead to any form of power exchange weeks in a row. It is not that my Dom wasn't sensitive to my needs, he felt very guilty that he could not satisfy me, but the more guilty he felt, the less powerful he was in our D/s relationship.
My last Master is my current boyfriend. I don't call him Master anymore and have no more expectations. I put less pressure on myself to be worthy and desirable all the time, I don't feel rejection or guilt. I was so obsessed about finding out what I was doing wrong, or what I could have done better that it took away most of the pleasure anyways. While the contract is over, we find ourselves indulding in D/s more often than before. Of course, it is more connected to sex that I would like, but I take it as it comes and enjoy our relationship more.
I have not heard of many submissives entirely satisfied by the scope and frequency of their D/s relationship with their Master. It seems they almost always want more that what is offered and I also find that fact troubling. Is it that once some control is assumed in one area, it's taken for granted, and that the submissive is waiting for some more control to be taken by her Dom? Is it that girls are more cerebral in their D/s than men are? I don't know... :)