When It's This Important Take Matters Into your Own Hands...

Q: “i wonder where you got that leather anklet from, i want something like that for myself but have no idea where to find one.”

You can get the background on this a little by reading the original blog post about my Everyday Collar. At the time I first posted about my beloved collar I tried to decide whether I should provide the name of the artist who made it, and finally decided no. The reason was simply I hadn’t asked her permission to out her as THE place to go for beautiful slave-wear, and this is a customer base I think one deserves to have a say about.

While I can’t tell you the exact artist that created my collar (at least without her permission) I can tell you what I did to find her, and I’m confident that anyone interested in a similar item will have the same luck. The fact of the matter is this: there are a LOT of skilled, talented artists out there looking for someone to give them a challenge and you need only find them!

I highly recommend www.etsy.com. This is where Master and I began our search. We looked for something ready-made, and there were items that were kind of what we wanted, but not quite. But by searching and finding products (normally neck or wrist cuffs) that we did like we narrowed down the search for who to contact for our specific goal. And one of the things I love about Etsy is that the artists pretty much all like to do custom work!

Once we found someone who’s available products were a lot like what we envisioned we emailed to her asking about what kind of changes she would make to the existing line, and as we suspected she was eager to please. (a girl after my own heart!) We asked about what we wanted, she sent us questions she’d need to have answered and the negotiations went from there.

If you are asking someone to make something to your custom specifications you’ll spend a little bit more. But to me it’s very worth it in order to have something that is exactly what you want. Especially for anything as important as this was to me.

Thanks again for your question and, as always, if anyone else has something to share please fill up the comments!

Advice from the also lost...

Q: “I didnt realize I was submissive until I was introduced by my current Master. I enjoy my role, but I dont recieve that much attention and there is very little communication since we both have busy schedules. Im debating on asking for my release Any advice”

The first question and it comes at a most coincidental time, as I’ve had my own thoughts about transfer of power recently.

First, I was also totally unaware of my submissive nature until my Master showed me this side. But once I accepted this about myself the feelings overwhelmed me. In only a few short months I found that this was something I’d needed for most of my life; I found a new kind of sanity and confidence from accepting and enjoying this part of myself. I hold firmly to the knowledge that my Master and I will never be apart, regardless of the nature of our relationship, but I also know if we ever stop being lovers I will have to find this kind of dynamic in any other love I seek.

I, like so many subs out there, don’t just enjoy being submissive. It’s deeply rooted in who I am. I need this; crave it. You see it time and time again in the blogs of other submissives – that when their Master is unable to keep them in line, dominate them the way they need they begin to get anxious or even panicky. They rebel or lash out or even throw tantrums and I do the same. There is some sort of mania that seeps into me the longer I have to maintain myself; I count on my Master to keep my brain calm and quiet and when he can’t I begin to panic.

As our vanilla lives have consumed more and more of our time Master has been overworked, overbooked and just plain overwhelmed by his life. I’ve tried to support him in every way possible, and I’ve been as patient as I am able, hoping that he’ll be able to, and interested in, putting me through my paces sometime soon. But I’ve also had doubts – wondering if he’s lost interest in managing me. Or if the work involved with being my Dom (and it is work, subs – never forget that. We have BY FAR the easier part of this gig! If you haven’t thanked your Dom for taking so much time and energy with you lately go and kiss his feet right now! The rest of us will wait…) is still worth it to him. My confidence fades and the ensuing fear sends me thinking about how else I could find the control I need.

I must be very clear here: I love my Master as much more than just my Dom. He’s my partner and my lover and my very best friend and I adore him forever and to the end of the world. I have absolutely no interest in leaving him ever, even if he were to tell me tomorrow that he’s grown tired of the dynamic and wishes an only vanilla life with me.

But I also know that this need he’s found in me will never go away. And so what would I do? How would I stay with him, but also stay sane? I’ve wondered about asking him to release me as his sub so I could find another to dominate me, either now while his life is so busy or ongoing if he’s done with our kink. Someone just to remind me of my place on the floor while I keep my beloved place at my Master’s side. No actual love for this new Dom – only obedience. Could I do this with anyone other than my Master? My submission is so linked to him, I wonder if this would even be possible?

I don’t know that I can give you advice on this question, as you can see I’m just as lost as you, but I know the questions that I’d have to ask in your position: What is the priority for you – your relationship with the man you currently call “Master” or your newly found submissive life? If you wish to keep your relationship with your current Master could you do that while letting someone else dominate you? Could your Master? And though you’re unsatisfied with the current amount of interaction you two get to have, are you willing to go without any Master at all once your current Master lets you go? Because finding the right Dom is as difficult as finding any kind of partner – there’s no guarantee that you’d walk out into the kink world tomorrow and find your Mr. Right (Dom-wise) waiting for you.

I think if you asked yourself these questions and answered yourself honestly you’d at least have the beginnings of an answer to your original question. Certainly there are many people out there who have sub/Dom lives without romantic love. They find people who are not interested in love, only kink or control, and they find a way to combine these sides of their life. My mind boggles at the idea, but if you and your current Master were t honestly look at what you have, versus what you really want, your next step would probably be clear. Good luck!

Does anyone else out there have any answers for this first question? Please fill up the comments!

Surprise

Life is too, too full. The more it fills, the less my Master and I have time for play. I know, this is an old song that I’ve played so many times before. The vanilla world sometimes forces the more interesting flavors to take not just a backseat, but to sit in the trunk or run behind, and lately that’s been our situation. With the many new pressures burdening Master my duty now is to be whatever support he needs, and in all things as long as I am doing what he wants I’m happy.

But I still miss our play.

At four this morning my alarm sounded. I’d set it because I’d not been able to stop pining for Master since he’d gone to sleep on the other end of the internet the previous afternoon. I knew that he’d be awake now and hopefully free, so I woke up and reached out to him. The conversation was lovely; I blame my still sleepy brain on having missed any indication whatsoever that Master was in a mood. When I went from lying sprawled across the bed to on my knees, my shoulders dug into the mattress and my finger slipping over my wet slit I wasn’t even slightly ready. Even less so for the feel of his incredible cock plowing into me from behind.

I think I was moaning and gasping before I became fully conscious.

His cock ramming into me shoved my face into the bed over and over, drowning out my squeals. I wondered if anything more was coming, but this morning he was focused; driven. He fucked me over and over, basking in my helpless noises, occasionally chuckling at my pleading for mercy. But he knew I wanted no mercy, and he showed me none. I couldn’t know how long I bounced there, but eventually I heard my voice panting that I needed to cum. He asked me with a sly smile in his voice “do you want to cum?” I think my “Yes!” escaped before he finished the question, but still he asked another question. “Do you need it?” Still I cried out to him.

“Then beg…”

And beg I certainly did. I needed it, I would do anything for it, whatever he wanted, I loved to be used this way, please let me cum… anything that came to my mind tumbled out of my babbling, desperate lips as he never let up on my sopping wet cunt. He let me beg, but he told me no anyway; possibly just to hear my sob at having to hold on longer. I had to be so careful to not lose control – for just a split second I wondered if he was stroking his cock as he played and the image in my mind almost pushed me over the edge. But I was a good girl – I held on as he fucked my cunt and he fucked my mind.

But at last he began the countdown and I knew I was almost at my release. When his warm, thick voice poured the word “one” into my ears I exploded with yelps and gasps and words of thank you, thank you, god thank you…

He always says it was his pleasure. But I know that nobody has the pleasure that I do in that moment.

With Freedom Comes...

So for the first time I am allowed to write whatever I want, without worrying whether it meets to anyone else's expectation. A level of freedom that this blog has not had. I should be giddy with possibility, but I'm not.

As is so often true with those of us of the subbie persuasion, freedom leads to panic. We are a people who are most happy when others are controlling us, so too much freedom is honestly a bad thing.

I've sat down before my blank page a dozen times since my last post, sure that there must be something to share with you guys. After the wonderfully supportive comment from Kara & Jessica you'd think I'd be bursting at the gills with things to tell you guys. At least I certainly thought I would be. Turns out not so much.

So I'm hoping maybe you guys can help me get the ball rolling?

I've created a formspring account -- two, actually. One for me and one for my Master. If anyone out there has a question, now or any time in the future, they can just go to our formspring accounts and ask them. I'll promise you now that I will strive to answer any questions within 3 days of getting them. I cannot make any promises about questions to my Master, but if I can help him get them answered I definitely will.

I cannot imagine a subject that would be off-limits, given the things I've already shared with you guys, but I do reserve the right to NOT answer a question here if I find there is reason. The only rule I'll make right now is anything that seeks to find out who either my Master or I are in our "real worlds". It is important to us both that this side of our world not encroach on the parts that we share with our friends and family and I'm sure I can trust you, my wonderful readers, to respect that. But otherwise I say go crazy!

My hope is not just that you'll provide me subjects for future posts specifically answering your questions, but that the questions you might ask will give me inspiration for future posts of my own. Thanks in advance for feeding the attention slut!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...

As is so often the case in life, things change. Luckily the things that have changed for Master and I are all primarily good – increased opportunities, activities, etc. – but even still it has left us with less and less time to play, or to even focus on the kinkier parts of our relationship. Our needs have been much more for support and nice, vanilla companionship.

Don’t misunderstand – we are still together, I’m still his toy, pet, plaything, slave and he is still my Owner and Master. We’ve begun to plan for his next trip home, this time in December for the holidays, and when he is here I’m very sure stories will come. Even now when we DO get the chance to play together we always indulge. But because it’s not as possible these days I’ve felt bad that this blog has been left sad and abandoned.

Therefore there are two changes I’m here to announce. The first is that things here will just be more quiet for a while. I will try to come and post when possible, but if time passes between posts please know that it’s not our preference to be absent and you’ve not been abandoned. The second is that the focus of this blog will be widening up some so that a lack of time to play doesn’t lead to even more of a lack of things to write about. I’ve envied some of my fellow subbie bloggers and their ability to write about whatever they want within this vein. Because of how things started here our blog has been limited to telling stories of our dynamic, but with Master’s permission I will no longer be required to run my posts by him, and if there are things about my subbie life that I wish to write about I now have that option. I hope that the additional items will also be interesting to my readers!

I hope that you all are good, and are enjoying your own personal kinks!

Spiralling Down

I sensed something was up – there was an edge to his voice. A tension in his tone, but he was making me wait and wonder what he had in mind. The camera was on me this night, and I was wearing the slinky, short dress that he likes. As I sat on the couch, talking about whatever it was we were talking about then, I heard the shift just as the word came from his mouth. “Freeze.”

I came back to myself with a faint image in my vision, like when you look at the camera just as the flash goes off and see that flash the rest of the night. Everywhere I looked I saw the world overlapped by this spiral, turning before me. It distracted me, almost irritating, and I closed my eyes to clear the view. It stayed, and I found myself distracted by something else too… a need.

Master could see I was struggling. “What’s the matter?” he asked. I tried to bury the twinge, but at last I confessed to him that I was feeling a pull from between my legs. I asked him for permission to indulge, and with a smile in his voice he took pity on me. He had me make sure the camera is pointed to where he can see, but he let me touch. And touch I did. One hand stroked my clit while the other wandered from cunt to chest. I stroked and probed, but it was not enough.

I asked Master for permission to use my glorious, blue glass dildo and he once again showed me his generosity and granted me permission. I worked the cold glass into my cunt, then back out, and in a few minutes I’d found a fast, furious rhythm. I fucked myself in full view of the camera, moaning and gasping. Master asked how I’m doing and I purred something about doing so well…

He asked again, and each time I enjoyed finding another naughty response, but the third time I stumbled in my mind a little. I was hot, and horny, but something else. Something in my head was getting… fuzzy. The edges of my thinking was getting slightly frayed, but not enough to keep the need from moving me forward. So I fucked myself on and on, loving that Master could see me doing it.

The fucking, I realize, was causing the fuzzy. Though I wanted to just love the feeling of the hard, smooth pole slamming in and out of me, I was distracted by the way my brain was clouding over. Master could see my struggles and asked what I was thinking, and I tried to explain, but the most I could say at first was that I was getting fuzzy. As I kept plowing into my pussy he continued to probe about what I was thinking, what I was feeling.

The blur over my thoughts became a shadow, and then I recognized what was happening. He was pushing me down again, sliding the true me back down into the hole where I stopped being a participant and became instead a spectator. This was a new facet to our play, and it stokes me up intensely. Once my strong hold on the world starts to slip I know I’m changing – the question is always what will he change this time?

The answer this time comes with the first growl. Master knows that the thought of being his eager, obedient pet, trotting along on my hands and knees at the end of his leash, is one of THE most erotic ideas for me, and lately he’s been generous indulging me here. This night was another gift from him, and the dildo crashing in and out of my cunt pushed my mind further into the hole as his pet took more and more control. Growling and whining and panting I fuck my mind away.

Master asks me repeatedly what I’m thinking and feeling until the words are gone once again, left just with animal sounds and my animal mind. When I can no longer answer him with words he laughs that dark, sinister yet sexy laugh that I adore. I listen carefully over my pants and whines and I hear him stroking his cock on his end of the line. He’s got his happy, horny slut puppy back to play with and play he does. With me, and with himself.

The fucking goes on for a long time, each thrust just moving me further from my mind and more wild in the throes of passion. But at last through the animal fog I hear his voice.

“Open Wide, Cum Slut."

I open my mouth to him and I feel his hot, tasty cum shoot into it. He lets me swallow. He lets me cum, all grunts and pants and barks. And as I cum I come back to him, human once again. But still, and always, obedient to my Master.

Best Seat in the House

Life is very full. Very busy. Master and I only get so many chances to play, and as with all things it’s up to him to decide when; decide where; decide how. I trust his decisions, as the way his mind works is one of the sexiest things about him. But sometimes the suspense kills me.

One weekend I woke and found he was there. Starting my day with him is one of the perks of weekends; as we chatted and lazed around my guard dropped. I was surprised when, in a split second, I went from sprawled across the bed to on my hands and knees, his hard, strong cock pumping into my cunt. I pushed my mind to catch up; soon I pumped back, enjoying the feeling of him inside me even as his voice fell from the headphones into my mind. I adore the feeling of being fucked by my Master and revel in it whenever he gifts it to me.

But there was more happening here. After a few minutes I began to feel something… shifting? Something in my mind was sliding back, losing some purchase. Losing grip. I groaned and ground back and grunted and… growled. A low, guttural rumble from my chest. Where it came from I couldn’t say, but it sent a shockwave through my already slippery snatch. I was powerless to stop the fucking, fucking, fucking, but I began to realize that this was pushing me toward something.

Master asked me how I was doing and I tried to reply, to use my words. I think I said fine? Good? Something like that, but whatever the word I used wasn’t the important part. It was the amount of work to get a word to come out that I focused on. The further along he fucked me the more my grip on humanity became slippery. I clutched at speech and spit out some word that showed me I was still a person, but almost immediately after my words came the first whine. High and squeaky and beyond my control. And here I noticed that my heavy breathing was coming in shorter, staccato dashes. Fast, quick breaths in and out.

Pants. I said my word, my totem of humanity again even though the lame word came nowhere close to an accurate description of the way he was rocking me. I just needed to hold on to my humanity and this word was how I was sure I could do it. I slammed back against the feel of his cock in my cunt, pushing along my descent, and told him I was fine. And then I growled and groaned and panted and panted.

I felt the hard, hot leather around my neck and the pull of my leash holding up my head. The sound of his pleased laughter sent a warm gush of cream sliding down my thigh and I panted harder and harder. The growls became more primal, and when next Master asked how I was doing the words were gone. I whined instead, the closest way I had anymore to beg him for mercy. I begged for him and he enjoyed my fall away from being his slave, further down to being his pet.

He fucked me and fucked me, and finally he asked if I wanted to cum. I made my animal noises, not sure how to get what I needed, so he gave me a clear command: “Beg.” And beg I did. As my animal rutting continued non-stop I let my desperate, wanton begging whines fill the room and he let me beg for a long time. When at last he told me to cum I let my head fold down onto the bed and growled into the start of the rush. When I heard myself barking into the orgasm I wanted to stop, to quiet, but the need was so much stronger than my pride. I barked and yelped and growled and whined and came and came and came for him.

As I felt the rush I also felt the last of my humanity fall down into a dark hole. From inside this tiny place I could see my world around me, but couldn’t touch anything. I felt this new bitch me around me like a shadow, but I was a voyeur of everything that happened now. I felt myself being my Master’s bitch. I felt the emotions and sensations, but I also felt my human reactions to the humility and degredation, and my inability to do anything but ride along.

In my new bitch form I knelt on the bed, my tongue hanging gently from the corner of my mouth, with my Master’s voice in my ears. My mind, so simple now, lay satisfied and flat. Master commanded me to speak and I barked happily for him. He commanded me to beg and my eager, begging whines flowed out. He called me a good girl and I swooned. At some point I became aware that I was “wagging” my “tail”, so happy to be obeying Master.

“Speak.” Again I barked. He repeated this one a few times, and each time my obedience was instantaneous. There was no thinking – only obeying. When next he told me to beg he included that I should assume the proper begging position. I faltered for a moment, nervous about trying to balance on only my hind quarters, but with a moment’s preparation I tucked my paws below my tits, careful not to block his view of them, and begged again. And my reward, another “good girl”, was the greatest gift possible. Each time he praised me I panted excitedly for my Master; for his pleasure.

Eventually Master brought me back to reality. My legs were slick all up and down from my constant and overwhelming pleasure at being his pet. He let me go, but he let me live these moments, and let me wonder for even just a second whether he might leave me this way, barking and begging for his love and enjoyment. Wonder… would that be the worst thing? Or the best?